In today’s divisive environment, one of the most important skills we can cultivate is the ability to pause before we react, verbally or otherwise. Between stimulus and response lies a critical space—one where we have the power to choose how we respond and to do so in a way that’s value vs impulse based. In the animal kingdom, where most animal behavior, barring training, is dominated by survival instinct, the ability to choose how to respond after a stimulus is uniquely human. This response ability carries great responsibility.
Fueled by our passion for a topic, however, we may sometimes violate our own code of conduct by reacting in a way that doesn’t reflect the values of respect, curiosity and empathy. That is, of course, unless you don’t value those traits.
Fact: In life and death situations, our impulses may save us. Also fact: most of the things we encounter on a daily basis are not life or death matters. Yet, we respond in overly dramatic ways that often produce unintended consequences possibly fanning the flames of division vs being curious and seeking common ground. Reactive responses that we post, text or “reply to all” in the heat of the moment seldom resolve issues; by contrast, they propagate and exacerbate them… especially if a response goes viral. Remember, once it’s out there, it’s out there for others to forward, copy and paste, etc. An ounce of don’t say it is worth a pound of I didn’t mean it.
Once said, written and posted, thoughts can’t be retracted. Even redacted or red lined versions of documents mask the initial first draft. That said, writing or rehearsing a draft and then revisiting it later is a great way to create space to check in with your values and to help assure your response lands as intended and is aligned with your values.
When we’re emotionally triggered, it’s tempting to react immediately. As humans, we experience a tug-of-war between our reptilian brain (the fight, flight or freeze) and mammalian brain (rest and digest). The reptilian brain acts on cultural and genetically encoded instinct, whereby the mammalian brain acts more on logic, reasoning, and taps into acquired wisdom. Shirzad Chamine, author of Positive Intelligence, asserts that we are constantly navigating between our inner Judge and the inner Sage. It’s a great read and practicing his techniques helps grow the muscles of self/others compassion and emotional self-regulation. Also, if you’d like quick effective tips to shut down bullying or harassing attacks, Jefferson Fisher’s YouTube channel is an empowering resource.
In the meantime, here are a few proven techniques:
Press the Pause Button:
Harness the Power of the pause by intentionally taking a few deep breaths, counting to ten (or longer), walking on it, talking it out with a trusted advisor, or getting a full night’s sleep before responding. This allows us to align our actions with our values. Sometimes, however, we don’t have that luxury and must respond in the moment. Even then, we can take brief pause and do check in. We can quickly determine if we’re triggered. If yes, why? Can we buy some time before responding? Can we respond benign in the moment to kick the can down the road a wee bit? Can we say, “Thanks for sharing; I’ll need to think about that?” Mahatma Ghandi said, “No one can hurt me without my permission.” This reflects that, while we may not be able to control circumstances, we can control our responses.
Powerful Pauses may be as short as a few seconds, overnight or days in the making. The methods above help calm the nervous system, creating space for wiser, more value-based decisions.
Stay Grounded During Change
When facing change, it’s especially important not to abandon the positive rituals that ground us—exercise, meditation, spiritual practices, and time with loved ones. These aren’t luxuries; they are lifelines. In chaotic times, we need our grounding practices more than ever.
Moreover, staying grounded helps you align your actions with your “True North”… those core values that define who you are. Can you name the five things you stand for? Faith, family, friends, freedom, and health are mine. Whatever yours may be, knowing them gives you a compass to navigate life’s storms. Seldom will you regret a value-based decision. As Alexander Hamilton wisely said, “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” Stay clear about what you believe in—and let it guide you through every challenge.
Embrace the Transformative Power of Gratitude
Gratitude is another powerful tool to reframe your mindset and sustain your energy. Beyond reflecting on things you’re grateful for, I encourage you to go deeper with this simple exercise:
- Think of someone who has had a profoundly positive impact on your life.
- Before the end of today, reach out to them. Tell them how much they’ve meant to you.
If that person is no longer living, honor them in a quiet moment of reflection. Celebrating others not only uplifts them, but it also rewires your brain for greater optimism, openness, and resilience. Gratitude literally changes your brain chemistry, making you a higher performer and a more positive force in the world.
Manage your Energy:
Physical energy must be regenerated, or we will collapse. Try going 24 hours without sleep, nutrition, hydration, or movement; the absence or imbalance of these essential nutrients impacts us physically, mentally and emotionally. When in deprivation, we are more likely to compromise our values in favor of survival. Purposeful energy (the energy of the human spirit) is, by contrast, infinite. Even on the darkest days when we’re physically, mentally and emotionally drained, we can draw on the well of our spiritual energy to help sustain us. It’s the energy that sustained Nelson Mandella, Victor Frankl and others like them in similar instances of incarceration.
Journal Prompts for Reflection
- Think about a recent situation where you reacted quickly and there were negative consequences. What might have changed if you had paused first?
- What are the top five values that serve as your “True North”? How do they influence your daily decisions?
- Who in your life has profoundly impacted you? How could you honor them today?
- What positive rituals keep you grounded during stressful times? How could you protect and prioritize them more intentionally?
- How can you cultivate more purposeful, infinite energy in your life?
Ready to Lead with Purpose and Resilience?
At Rudder Consulting, we inspire and empower healthy high performance through customized training solutions. Leadership is at the core. When you’re grounded in your core values and make space for thoughtful reflection, you become a more effective, inspiring leader—no matter what challenges come your way.
- Leadership Development: Empower leaders to manage their own and their team’s energy so they perform optimally.
- Change Management Coaching: Equip teams to navigate transitions through collaboration, resilience and shared values.
- Organizational Culture Transformation: Build a workplace culture anchored in purpose, positivity, and optimal performance.
The pause is powerful. Your purpose is powerful. Let us help you lead with both. Visit Rudder Consulting to learn more.
